How to Survive Depression in the Family

by
Filed under: Coping and Overcoming Anxiety 

We lost everything!

We lost our home, our investments, our live savings, our friends, our relationships with our family members including our kids and our enjoyment of life. We almost lost our marriage and my wife almost lost her life all to her depression!

This article was written out of empathy for those who live with someone who suffers with depression or anxiety disorder; for those to whom I refer as “The Silent Victims”

For 6 years I was a silent victim and my life was completely unlivable as my wife, Sharon, suffered with extreme debilitating depression, anxiety disorder, a severe sleep disorder, destructive obsessive compulsive behaviors, rage and several other behavioral disorders.

I didn’t know about any of her conditions until the day after we were married, then it was all to obvious that something was desperately wrong!

I could go on for hundreds of pages about what happened next, but the purpose of this article is to share with you just a couple of the lessons I learned through my 6 years of learning to live with sever depression and other mental and emotional illnesses in the family.

I should also mention that Sharon and I are still together and doing just great! In fact, our purpose now is to help others who suffer as we have.

It took me six years of learning lesson every minute of every day to make it through life with Sharon’s depression. Through that time, I documented what I was going through.

While going through the daily stresses of Sharon’s depression-driven behaviors, and in speaking with so many poeple who have also gone through it all, I have identified 4 unconscious stages of coping with a loved one’s depression.

1. Denial: In this stage, I was either not willing or not able to accept that fact that my wife was mentally ill. My denial made life very difficult for both Sharon and I because I was not in a position to help her by continually pressuring her to “snap out of it”!

In order for us to move forward, it was critical that I accepted the reality that Sharon was ill…that took me to the next unconscious coping mechanism…

2. Secrecy: Once I accepted internally that Sharon was ill, I felt ashamed and uncomfortable with it. Again, this did not help either of us. I made sure that our private affairs were kept as private as I could and I was not able to willing to speak with anyone about it.

Holding all of this inside was like a poison to me and it soon began to affect my own health and my own emotional well being. At this point, Sharon’s depression and related illnesses were starting to cost us dearly. Some of her behaviors involved compulsive spending which financially crippled us. This, along with other behaviors, pushed me into the next unconscious stage of coping…

3. Anger and Resentment: At this stage, I made my plight very public…and I began to consult my lawyer about a divorce. This was the most dangerous stage for us because this is the stage at which I was closets to leaving the marriage. It was also the stage which was hardest on Sharon, because she could clearly see my misery which drove her to blame herself and become suicidal on more than a few occasions.

If you think you are at this point in your own relationship with someone who suffers from depression, you truly do need to do whatever it takes to get to the next stage. The next stage is the one where you can finally start healing and moving forward in a positive direction…

4. Understanding and Forgiveness: This was the point where Sharon and I began to work together to find solutions. At this unconscious stage, I began to become more empathetic to Sharon’s situation and she and I began down our path to healing together.

This is, in my judgment, where things can start to turn around. Until you reach this stage, I am convinced that there is no chance for the family to survive.

To survive depression in the family, I recommend that you start by identifying which stage you are currently at and do whatever you need to do to get to stage 4; Understanding and Forgiveness.

It may take some time; it took me several very unhappy years of living minute by minute to reach stage 4. Once there, you can then start taking the steps towards healing for both you and your depressed loved one.

Depression destroys lives…but it doesn’t have to destroy yours!

Steve Lowell
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/how-to-survive-depression-in-the-family-51801.html

Similar Posts:

Tags: , , , ,

Comments

15 Comments on How to Survive Depression in the Family

  1. Don S on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:09 am

    2. Good plan.
    References :

  2. Hiya on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:11 am

    3. I think we’re already in a depression. But yes, I have some dry goods and whatnot.
    References :

  3. Angie on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:13 am

    4. I plan to depend on the Lord. The bible says that the people who serve him will be kept in famine times.
    References :

  4. Illkill Y on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:15 am

    5. i agree
    that what im doing on 2012
    References :

  5. Forget War Buy More on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:17 am

    6. I can due to the nature and necessity of my job.

    My grandmother used to tell stories from the Depression of how her father was well employed during that time and would welcome anyone who showed up on their stoop to dinner. If it were to ever get that bad I would do something similiar.
    References :

  6. scott11997733 on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:19 am

    7. im having hard time now in this recession. do you live in city or country?
    References :

  7. Cyrberus on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:21 am

    8. We have no idea what a Depression in 2008 or beyond would look like. I can assure you there wont be orderly lines of hungry men lined up quietly to recieve soup – it will be chaos, looting, shooting, and mayhem.
    Who will survive? The Fittest – that’s who.

    Rent the movie "Children of Men" look at the back-story – how chaos has taken over. That’s how it will be.
    References :

  8. Kal-El on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:23 am

    9. Although I live in the Suburbs, my family back home lives in the woods. I grew up hunting and fishing and I believe my family and I could survive off of the land for at least a few years. I hope it never comes to that but think about it– that’s how people used to live all the time!
    We won’t be eathing McDonalds but we will survive! I feel sorry for the already poor people in the cities. They will be hardest hit because they won’t have land to live from and don’t have survival skills. Sucks to be them!
    References :

  9. Joshua S on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:25 am

    10. what are you doing for shelter?
    References :

  10. Slick She It on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:27 am

    11. Yell it will and already is getting hard
    .
    And to have a declared Depression 2 to of started will be a disaster to the whole world not just here in America
    .
    The world depends on the Americans to buy the products it makes
    .
    And I am already getting ready for the bottom to fall out
    .
    MarketWatch web site has it as happening this February when the retail market reports come rolling in after inventory time
    .
    The Wall Street Journal is saying at least 1,000 small chain retail stores will close doors and the domino effect of it will last into the early 2010 year
    .
    What will stop it no one knows it is the people shopping in the stores that have to want to and have the money to buy things that will make it come to an end and a recovery to Begin

    .
    References :

  11. paulie2shoes on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:29 am

    12. I’ll go along with many of your ideas but forget the gasoline and propane. Storing large amounts of that is extremely dangerous. I doubt there will be the anarchy in the streets but growing your own food and shooting game is a good idea. My dad lived during the 30′s and was a hunter. He gave his game to people who needed the food.
    References :

  12. Jason M on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:31 am

    13. I don’t think we are there yet nor will be. The issue is so many live above their means. Cable, cell phones, internet are not necessities of life, nor are credit cards, stereos Ipod’s ect. When these start to have drastic cuts in volume then we will know a true depression. But I personally don’t think it will go there. I do applaud you for having the common sense to think of the future in your life planning though as all too few do.
    References :

  13. Luke B on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:33 am

    14. We have been preparing for about two years. Not going the whole anarchy/end of civilization route, but we keep enough non perishable food to feed our family of six for two months comfortably, three on a lean plan. Guns too, but if things get that bad a gun is only a delaying tactic. Eventually they will get you. You can’t be awake 24/7.
    For anyone considering preparations, a word of advice. Stock up on TP. You may not consider it crucial, until you try going a month without it.
    References :

  14. Jen on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 4:35 am

    15. We are in a depression and have been for well over a year. Reguardless, I have been stockpiling food and water since 2006. My family will be okay, but I do worry about others who aren’t so prepared. The economy is going to get worse before it gets better.
    References :

  15. lar_dawg54 on Mon, 8th Mar 2010 12:07 pm

    16. How many of you can survive, feed a Family and keep your home if we go into a depression?
    I already have a plan in place,. Buy dry goods, can goods, gun and lots of bullets and eat wild game. Stock up on propane and gasoline.

Tell me what you're thinking...
and oh, if you want a pic to show with your comment, go get a gravatar!





 

Spam Protection by WP-SpamFree

category=32