A Week in the Life of the Single Working Mother

A Week in the Life of the Single, Working Mother

 

“It’s ok,” you think. “Nothing to worry about, really!”  I mean who doesn’t occasionally put their panties on inside out?  It can happen! The cottage is relatively dark in the morning and the bathroom has no light in it, so even if you went to the toilet you wouldn’t have noticed. No problem there. But then you go to the bathroom at work for the umpteenth time in the morning (you suffer from a weak bladder) and only then do you notice, staring back at you from the mirror,  a moron who is wearing two different types of earrings! Not two similar earrings, that may be understandable, but two totally different decorations. “Are those warning bells?” I think, listening intently.  “Or is that just the sound of me losing my mind”. I stride back into the office, laughing – you must do this in these situations -  and tell everyone the story. It’s funny, really, I mean, who doesn’t occasionally put two different earrings in their lobes?

 

All might have been well if I hadn’t remembered the keys! “Try to forget the key story!” I tell myself.  But no, a nagging imp-like, pest of a voice insists that I remember the keys. So, warily I cast my mind back to this morning’s debacle.  On leaving the cottage this morning, I absolutely know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I looked at the keys on their hook. I removed them from said hook and walked up to my car with three of my four children. Imagine my frustration and absolute impatience (I’m very impatient with ineptitude), when I couldn’t find the keys. This followed having to squeeze into my car (it was parked too close to my brother’s car), loaded with bags, trying to balance on my high heels that kept sinking into the soft earth. The keys! I just could’nt find the blasted things! We all looked, all four of us, while I muttered all the while that I definitely took them off the hook. Jarred, my nineteen year old, decided, very quietly, not to believe me, and wandered off to the cottage. He reappeared shortly after, keys in hand. Had I dropped them on the way? Did I put them down after picking them up? No, nothing that simple. I was flabbergasted to discover that they were still, in fact, hanging on the hook. Those damned fairies. Jarred knew better than to comment.

 

 My doctor says I’m stressed. My therapist says “Duh”! So, I decided that I would look at a week in my life and try to discover if I am indeed stressed, tired, overworked and hence abnormally distracted!

 

A week! How do you determine a week? My life seems to run from one chaotic moment to the next, forming hours, days, weeks and years. My absent-mindedness began on a Friday so I decided to capture my week beginning with the previous Sunday.

 

This week began relatively normally on Sunday evening when my eleven year old realized that he hadn’t completed his project that had been due for the previous Thursday. Nothing too complicated, just a moving greeting card! No need to panic, especially as he also had to look for every letter of the alphabet (in differing fonts and sizes), and stick them onto a piece of paper.  Ok, so I panic a little! Who wouldn’t?  Try finding a “Q” or a “J”. The card is cut out, his cricket players look like aliens and the family is in fits of laughter while my seven year old daughter draws something of a Rembrandt version of his picture (she is very bright). He doesn’t mind, just shrugs and continues to be glued to the TV, while I bellow, “Homework! Vincent, your homework!”

This situation could, in itself, be bearable but for that fact that it is happening at 6.30pm. This is the beginning of hell night. It is bath time accompanied by more bellows, “Get in the bath! Vincent, bath water! Katie, GET IN THE BATH!” It is school lunch time, but more on that later. It is uniform preparation time and goodness knows what else. There is always something of great significance that pops up out of nowhere to cause chaos and disorder.  There is also supper. After a huge lunch of prawns and rice the little angels are hungry. I’m not hungry! So I throw chicken pieces, covered with tinned tomatoes into the oven and put on a pot of rice.  I am functioning on three planes. My friend is there for a visit with biscuits, dips and wine – very sophisticated, my kids are between nakedness and pyjamas – very bohemian, my food is slowly overcooking and I am trying to engineer a moving cricket bat that will hit a ball across a card. As I’m sure I’ve mentioned, there is absolutely no need to panic – much! The kids end up going to bed halfway through the E-TV movie which, of course, is too late! I am a failure of a mother!

 

By 9.30pm, school uniforms are ready, hanging over chairs but sandwiches must be made. I usually make amazing lunches but tonight there is no bread. If there was bread there would be no filling. I am, however, supermom, and I have a plan! Tuckshop! Godsend! Tomorrow I will make that new sandwich filling : sweet corn, tuna and mayonnaise. The kids are already moaning about that one. I tell them that they have to broaden their horizons! Then I get “make us an extra sandwich, in case we don’t like that one”. My kids, the connoisseurs! Tuna – not good enough.  Ham – only fine alone, no mayonnaise or, for Katie and Jarred, with mustard. Vince wants salami, no mayonnaise. I tried pilchards and cucumber. My little ones tried to be kind saying,  “Mom, we didn’t really like the lunch today”. Jarred said it was wonderful but he that he couldn’t take it to Varsity anymore because : “It STINKS!” How subtle! One day they love chocolate spread, the next they don’t. One of them, can’t remember which, hates cheese spread but my twenty-two year old could live on it.  One loves peanut butter, the other shudders at the thought. The only thing I seem to get spot on are the chocolates and sweets that I provide.  Jarred won’t eat those though! He’s trying to diet!

 

Monday morning dawns and I have to drag myself out of bed at 6.30 after I’ve changed the alarm setting twice. I realize that I’m playing with fire as Jarred must be at University by eight and we have to drop the little ones off first. He will be furious if he realizes how late we got up. Little ones don uniforms (this takes about half an hour – no idea why), with me shouting about how they should stop dawdling and have breakfast. Needless to say, they suck down their cocoa pops while big brother rants about how late he’s going to be. I decide that I can’t possible make it to work. My neck is in agony, I am exhausted and constipated and signs of haemorrhoids are beginning to emerge.  My boss will spontaneously combust as she has told me that today I am getting a written warning for a mistake made on Friday.  Could my physical symptoms be psychosomatic or am I merely skirting the threshold of severe and irreversible stress? I phone the office, make excuses to my colleague (it’s easier) and go to bed, after telephoning the doctor to make an appointment for my daughter and myself. Katie has been getting waves of extreme tiredness and I’m really worried. It’s never anything curable, when it’s your child, is it? The mind of a mother is a very frightening place sometimes.

Monday wears on. I fetch Katie and her friend from school at 1.00pm. We go home, relax a bit, read and I smoke hubbly bubbly, (it relaxes me, ok!). She has raided my purse because she wants a pie for lunch. I have no money save R40 in the car for petrol! Jarred has my card. Three fifteen p.m. and it’s time to fetch Vincent from cricket (back to the school I left  two hours previously). I give in and buy two pies and put twenty rand petrol into my car. We pick up Vincent, nearly get hit by a stray cricket ball and head off to the doctor for our 4.00pm appointment. The fun has just begun! Kaitlyn must have a blood test. Have you ever tried to hold down a ten foot, rabid, thrashing and peculiarly terrified Anaconda? I’m sure not but I think it would be a breeze!  It would certainly be easier than holding down a terrified, stubborn, bucking bronco of a seven year old. I won’t go into detail – it’s far too traumatic – but it played out like a scene from a Tarantino movie.  Three adults (all in various phases of shock) holding down a tiny child whilst one of the adults sticks a 10cm thick, 1 metre long needle into her arm and  proceeds to suck all the blood from her body. She, all the while, screaming “Mommy! Mommy! Please!”.  I tell you, if you have never felt like a heel before and have an odd desire to do so, I fully recommend this as the way to go about it.

 

In the midst of the screaming chaos, Jarred phones. “You can fetch me now”, he says nonchalantly. The little pulsing blood vessel in my temple seems to explode as I explain as calmly as possible, why he has to wait. Meanwhile, Vincent has disappeared to the toilet in the front of the doctor’s rooms. He does not emerge until the screaming, from the far end of the building has subsided! Once the torture is over, she is shaken but laughs as I joke about how strong she is and how hard she can kick. She is not the only one trembling. The doctor grins nervously at me saying that he knows it seems barbaric, but honestly, it has to be done. Then he rushes from the room. The nurse just fumbles for words and I sit there hugging my daughter until my heart decides to return to my chest.

 

It is now five o’clock and Jarred is waiting at the University in Parktown. I rush off, still shaken but trying to play it down and make jokes. Katie sits unusually quietly on the back seat. I hardly notice the hellish traffic, I can handle anything after the past hour. We get to Jarred and he, very foolishly, says : “Why do you make appointments at five when you know you’re fetching me?” Is it really necessary to explain or will my feral death stare suffice. It does! Katie revives and excitedly tells Jarred about her nightmare experience. In record time it becomes an adventure and by Wednesday I will be relieved to know that my baby is doing well and that she probably just has worms.

 

In the blur that is my life I make supper, get the children bathed, eat, sort out homework, uniforms and sandwiches. The ex-husband telephones the children and says something inane to Katie like : “If you go to bed early you won’t be so tired and need blood tests.” Although I contemplate smashing the cell phone against the wall, I realize that it is mine and so I pour myself another glass of wine! The quiet breathing of my sleeping children, the studious attitude of my middle son, and the comings and goings of my eldest make it all worthwhile – most of the time! Thank God Monday is over.

 

Tuesday begins much the same way with me pulling my comatose body from the sleeper couch (don’t ask). Today there is a cricket match for Vincent (he finishes at about 5.00), and netball and  P.E. for Katie. I am organized. All is well. The usual shouting routine ensues in a fast-forward blur and I appear, miraculously, at work. I am angry and defensive due to the fact that when my friend called for me at work on Monday, my boss told him that I was scared to come to work. Scared? Of work? I’m waiting for blood test results, if you really want to know what fear is! I am called into the “big boss’s” office. I am given the poor work performance lecture and am prepared to receive my letter of warning. I decide to completely ignore my boss – dislike her right now – pull myself together and try even harder at work.  I am so happy when my friend calls and says that I don’t have to do lift scheme and that Kate can play with “Scarlie” today. A breather!  Jarred, however, finishes early so I have to take him home and come back to work. What is it they say about no rest?

 

After work I fetch Katie from Scarlet (where she did her homework – whoopee) and Vincent from cricket.  I finally get the kids into the bath while I cook supper in the house (again, don’t ask).  It’s a rather difficult task as I have to keep running back to the cottage for the ingredients that I have forgotten.  I try to do this really quietly because if the bathing darlings hear me, I am yelled for. This usually happens when I’ve made it into the cottage undetected and am halfway back to the house, thinking how cleverly I have eluded them. The word, “MOM”, uttered very loudly, causes me to stop dead in my tracks. Like a secret agent I attempt to melt into my surroundings. I become very quiet, I tip-toe up the stairs and into the kitchen. Made it! They soon forget that they have called me and I am congratulating myself when a raucous cacophony emerges from the bathroom and the air is filled with shouting and wailing.

“Jarred!” I scream, “For goodness sake, sort them out!” 

They are fearful of him until he turns his back and then Katie begins to sob and gesticulate hysterically. It appears that Vincent has ‘accidentally’ wee’d in the bath and then, just as ‘accidentally’, has splashed all the wee-filled water all over her.  All fear of terminal illnesses vacate my mind as I threaten to drown the children in the bath. My yells of “GET OUT! PUT NEW WATER IN,” to Vincent are heard blocks away while Katie adamantly refuses to get back in the bath with him and wanders around sopping wet and wrapped in a towel.

 

I somehow make it through the evening, tidying my cottage, packing my mom’s dishwasher with my dishes and watching that Vincent completes his homework. All memory of long division has long since been erased and I battle to help him with his maths homework.  I quickly pack Katie’s ballet  clothes – where the hell are those character shoes – and convince her that, because the shoes are too small,  I will get her new ones.

“Feel where my toe is,” she says convincingly to me.

Vincent has P.E tomorrow, so does Katie, but he refuses to wear a Speedo and so I must pack him some long shorts. While I fully applaud his fashion sense, I doubt that the school will believe his excuses for much longer.  I sigh when, miraculously, the atmosphere is infused with the even breathing of sleeping cherubs. I am just relaxing into a wine-induced oblivion (of course I’m exaggerating) when Gary, my eldest grabs on to my security gate from outside shouting, “Mom, Mom, hurry, open up! Quickly! Hurry!” My heart leaps into my throat. Someone is dead? Someone is chasing him? It’s obvious that something truly horrible has happened”.

“What is it? I somehow blurt out.

“Hurry! Open up! It’s Prison Break”.

 

How I’ve actually made it to Wednesday is beyond me. Perhaps it’s those “happy pills”, maybe the fact that I’m eating better, or more likely, I am simply functioning on auto-pilot.  Things go relatively smoothly this morning. I think I’m used to the chaos and I arrive at work only to realize that I must go shopping to cater for the afternoon meeting.  My boss is subjected to grunts, nods and head shakes from me as I refuse to be civil to her. I do a few things in the office and then head off to the shop to buy the eats. Today is not my lift scheme day and I look forward to a nice quiet lunch with my colleague from my previous job.  It’s really nice and I get back to work relaxed after a glass of wine and a tramezini.  I have a few invitations for the evening (kids are out Wednesday evening with their dad), but I decide to stay home and do my ironing that has been building up for weeks.  I buy myself a bottle of wine, make no supper because I’ve eaten and sit down with a magazine on a chair that I hardly move from for the entire evening. Jarred sits with me doing his homework. I help him because it’s English and I’m not bad at it. When I look for the wine I realize that I left it in my car, which Gary has taken. I sigh! I will have it at 7.30 when he gets home and hubbly will do in the meantime. I make sandwiches at the table and sort out school clothes. Needless to say, I do absolutely no ironing and have a glass of wine at 7.30. I continue to do the Sudoku that I have been doing the whole evening. Vincent and Katie get home at 8.00 and I have to rush them through a bath and then homework.  In bed late again! Jarred then begins to play guitar and make up a song about the politics of the country. I am excited and write down the words. Katie and Vincent listen from their beds.  By bed-time I’ve had about three glass of wine and am sleepy. Uncharacterisically, as I lie down the room begins to spin, and spin, and spin! I end up sick in the bathroom and fall asleep almost immediately.   What an end to my night of semi-solitude. They say, those very wise “they” people, that alcohol affects you more when you’re stressed. I wonder….! It’s a damn good excuse though.

I am pretty sure that I don’t have to mention that the vacating of my bed on Thursday morning is no easy task.  I do, however, succeed! Today we leave with only school bags. No tog bags, no cricket bats, no tackies, no ballet things, no extras at all. I feel free, wild – nothing to forget. The euphoria is intoxicating. This must be Heaven. I am even energized to go grocery shopping this evening. My friend says that she is free this evening. She asks if we should get together. Frankly the idea of wine or any other alcoholic drink, after last night, induces fear and trembling.  I decline.  Work is quiet as I continue to ignore my boss and 2.00 pm brings about my usual lift scheme.   I drop the little ones off, practically begging them to tidy the cottage and go back to work.  I don’t recall this but they say that I told them they could go shopping with me if they tidied up.  At about 4.00pm Jarred arrives at the office and I take him home. I have since decided that I should shop alone, leaving the little ones at home with Jarred to bath and do homework. The outcry that results from this suggestion to Vin and Kate is something I am not qualified to deal with.  I deflate and collapse into my car seat and meekly say, “get in”. They inform me that they “even cleaned the cottage”, in order to be able to go.

 

Shopping to me is a sadistic ritual.  I cannot comprehend those perverse individuals who actually enjoy the dreaded ordeal.  Add on two children who want everything in sight and who, after pleading to accompany me, want to go home after half an hour. Include fist-fights, sibling verbal abuse and disappearances every five minutes for free samples, and the whole thing intensifies ten-fold. I arrive at the shop at about 5.00 pm and get home by 7.30.  I am comforted by a well-meaning woman who tells me that my two fighting little maniacs are completely normal.  This is after she hears me yelling hysterically at them to “STOP IT!” and “I TOLD YOU TO STAY AT HOME”, accompanied by several other expletives. I tell her that I’ve had to go through it twice, having two older sons as well, and that I must have done something particularly evil in a previous incarnation.  She tells me that I look too young to have two older sons and I almost kiss her.  I feel haggard and worn, but decide to preserve the tiny morsel of dignity that I have left.  

 

I arrive home in the dark with two tired children who have not as yet bathed or, horror of horrors, done homework. Supper is no problem. MacDonalds, I love you! The cottage is in a dismal condition and if they had indeed tidied it up, a hurricane has since swept through it.  I try to tidy while Jarred brings a few shopping bags from the car. We eat and Katie takes ages to finish her food while I jump around uneasily trying not to think of bathing and homework.  Vincent gets stomach ache and needs the toilet but can’t find matches for the candle that has replaced the broken light bulb.  He eventually decides he has to go in the dark but five minutes later is wandering around bare-bummed looking for a torch! Jarred is ranting about how unfair it is because no-one will help him unpack the car and I am cleaning, packing away groceries and emptying the garbage bin, while yelling at Vincent to get back into the pitch black bathroom and onto the toilet. Katie, meanwhile continues to eat at two chews per minute and Xena, my Doberman, runs in and eats Vincent’s burger! Thank goodness Katie has two burgers, having got the special in case Gary is home for supper.  This extra one is given to Vincent. When I remind my daughter that she is taking an abnormally long time to eat she throws down her burger saying, “Fine, I will starve”. This results in me telling her what a “princess” she is!

 

Add to this chaotic evening the fact that there is a really young and persistent man that I know who keeps phoning me at the most inconvenient times and you have the makings of a true farce. I kid you not, to the delight and bemusement of my children he phoned and let it ring for a full seven minutes. They, and I, were absolutely amazed. My little ones know all the excuses in the book now when he calls, but this time we just let it ring – our amusement for the evening.

 

Eventually, eventually, eventually clean, educated and well-fed children are lying in their beds.  Unfortunately there is some good stuff on T.V. and the little darlings keep peeking at the screen. Death stare time! Eyes shut! And peace reigns supreme.

 

Friday, FRIday, FriDAY! Happy days! It’s Friday!!!! I have made it. We have made it. We are breathing and relatively sane. One more day to get through. Should be a breeze. And all appears to be fine but looks can be deceiving. I am organized! I am Supermom! Katie’s ballet clothes are ready, lunches are packed into cases and it’s time to go. But dizzyingly quickly we return to the Friday day I lost my mind!  The keys, the panties, the earrings – all effects lasting temporarily however.  My initial horror gives way to amazement as I realize that my distractedness appears to have come along with a burst of genius. I have managed, quite extraordinarily, to work out how to put seven separate documents onto one document on Excel. This involves a lot of copying, pasting, (making small), renaming and finally coming out with a whole new document. I am so impressed with myself that I forget to sulk and run to my boss to tell her how wonderful I am.  She agrees that I am very clever and I see no reason to continue the argument.

 

After the initial shock of all my weird activities of the morning, I begin to feel relatively relaxed.  Katie has ballet and so does her friend, so the other half of the lift scheme does the lifts today.  I do, however, still have to take Jarred home. This changes when he telephones to say that the pub at Education Campus is opening today and he will come over later, probably around three. This all seems fine until my boss, whom I have just made friends with, decides that we can go home early – at three. I try to call Jarred. Surprise, surprise – his phone is off. I have to wait. I can’t very well go storming into the pub to yank him out. In the meantime his older brother calls. I must meet him at home and then take him to Vodacom to sign for his new SIM card. The problem is we must do this by 5.00 as the shop will probably close. The other problem is that I have no idea what time Jarred will put in an appearance.  Gary laughs hysterically when he hears the situation, telling me that I’ve got a long wait ahead of me. I little while later the little ones call me at work to ask if they can make me a surprise from their recipe book. I agree to this asking, as nicely as possible, that they clean up after themselves.  At about 3.30 Gary phones, asking where I am and Jarred eventually arrives at four o’clock. At four fifteen Katie calls, asking how far I am from home because the surprise is waiting. I drop Jarred at home and Gary takes his place in the car. Katie runs out asking where I’m going and saying that the surprise is ready. I assure her that I will not be long. We get to Vodacom, sign the papers and are told that it will cost R65.00. Gary and I look at each other incredulously. Neither of us has money on us.  He decides to drop me at home, as I’m really anxious to have my surprise before the babies’ dad fetches them for the weekend. Gary will fetch my bank-card and go and pay the account. Miraculously we find the card in the car. At home I have a sosatie stick with strawberries, pineapple, banana and dates (because I have given up chocolate for lent) waiting for me on a plate with ice-cream and custard.  Children have an amazing way of erasing a week of stress in an instant, by a simple gesture of love so pure that it melts your insides and touches you to the very core of your being!

 

 Reality, however, has a nasty way of intruding on the most special of moments. My friend arrives to take me for dinner but my ex has not yet collected the children. The place is unbelievably noisy. There is a ridiculous modern musical blasting from the television and Jarred is showing everyone his political song. The atmosphere is mildly crazy but very enjoyable. The ex hoots at the gate for the little ones. Unfortunately at this precise moment my father and brother decide to have a very heated altercation. I do not want my children’s father to hear or see anything about the argument (long story) so I rush the children out as soon as possible.  It is a scene from a black comedy. The more I tell them that they must leave quickly, the more times they return to fetch something that they have forgotten. It is unbelievable! Finally they leave and I breathe a sigh of relief. My eldest son’s girlfriend has been ushered into the cottage to escape the argument inside.  My friend and I leave, I tell Jarred where to hide the keys and I, naively, believe that I am due for a quiet and peaceful weekend.

 

Dinner is uneventful except for when I go to the bathroom, get confused with the doors and end up exiting the ladies and entering a sushi restaurant that I hadn’t been eating at. After the initial confusion, I make a hasty retreat and find my friend outside, waiting for me.  While on my way to the bathroom I discover that Jarred has called me twenty-two times and I have finally heard the phone on the twenty- third try. He tells me that there is trouble at home and on top of this he has dropped my cottage keys into the cottage and cannot get them out. My friend and I end up getting into the cottage by unscrewing one of the security gates, at the same time releasing my Doberman who has been prisoner in the cottage for goodness knows how long. In the meantime I go to find my brother who has passed out in the garden and attempt to help him. The rest is a long, involved and futile story and is best ignored and forgotten.

 

My peaceful Friday ends and I fall into bed and into a deep sleep.

I have big plans for Saturday. I am going to get myself out of debt. I will get up relatively late, go to the bank and draw the money. I will then pay off my clothing accounts, my T.V. and buy my daughter and my friend their birthday presents. I have, however, discovered that in life that you should never plan anything. Go with the flow. That way you can never be irritated! This I have discovered but unfortunately I have never actually learnt from it.

 

I arrive at the bank. None of the banks at the mall have electricity. I swear, various expletives, under my breath and head off to the other mall. I think that I am very clever but at the same time have a sense of foreboding about what I will find at that bank. I am astounded beyond my normal ability to be astounded! The queues begin at the tellers inside the bank (far, far inside the bank), out the door and all the way down to Woollworths, which is about half a city block away. All the other banks have the same problem. I mutter some more swear words, this time including some obscenities about the state of the country and decide on retail therapy, which I most certainly cannot afford.  I head home, make a hubbly (yes, again) and tidy my flat. I am busy with this when my brother’s weird girlfriend starts yelling out my name. Jarred is amazed to see me hurl myself across the room, jump out of my shoes and fling myself onto Katie’s bed, at the same time begging him to tell her that I’m asleep. I close my eyes tightly, praying that she won’t come in.  Jarred, the horror, lets me lie like that for a few minutes, choosing not to tell me that she is gone. I continue to hide for awhile then poor myself a glass of wine (yes, again), put on a load of washing, set up the ironing board and complete all my outstanding ironing. I am Superwoman! I am Wonder Woman! I am Mother! I put washing on the line and it rains! I am Exceedingly Irritated Woman.

 

I, being so damn popular, have three invitations for Saturday evening. My haemorrhoids are agonizing at this stage and I decide I cannot go to the braai. I also don’t feel like visiting the young obsessive phone caller. I decide to surprise my friend and go to him to watch a DVD. The evening is uneventful except for the fact that my eldest son keeps phoning me to yell about how unfair it is that he has to lift my middle son to a party. He rants about how far it is and how it’s unfair to use his girlfriend’s car.  At about ten o’clock I go home and sit with Gary in the cottage until he leaves to fetch his girlfriend. I bath and, exhausted, climb into bed. The cell rings at 12.30. That dreaded call that will inform me that Jarred cannot get a lift home and I must fetch him. I am half asleep and ask Jarred to call me back with directions. Gary calls and tells me where to go. I put my dog in the car – she is astounded (as astounded as a dog can be) and we head off into the unknown, with a set of directions on my lap. I am in some God-forsaken place in the middle of the night but I eventually  find the place after a few more phone calls to Gary. I find the street but not the number. There is no number eighteen. Fortunately I am not alone in my stupidity as the taxi driver who has just arrived is also driving up and down the road in search of number eighteen.  I find it, eventually, around the corner – something that must have slipped the minds of both my sons.  I then spend about ten minutes outside waiting for Jarred to appear, anger causing all my arteries to pulse unusually. I cannot call him because, surprise, surprise, his phone is off! I cannot go in because I am in my pyjamas. I am on the verge of an embolism when he appears at the gate, glass in hand. I am irritated. I am tired. I tell him to throw the drink out.  His friend then proceeds to vomit next to my car. I am petrified. He cannot puke in my car. He sits in the front, window wound down and proceeds to tell me, in a very elevated tone, how much he loves me and what a good person I am. I am almost deaf when we reach home. I flop into bed at 1.30 in the morning.

 

Sunday – wonderful Sunday. I get up late. I go to breakfast with my friends. Have a wonderful Pina Colada (spelling) and then head home. I must go shopping for my friend’s present, but decide to go with him so he can choose it. Then we see a movie. I am relaxed for the first time in a week!  He drops me at home. I iron the load of washing on the line and put on another load. The older boys are home and have toast, biscuits and dips for supper. This is my day, this is my moment, this is my time! I am tired. I am relaxed and I must preserve the last iota of strength that I have to begin this routine all over again!

 

The conclusion of this pitiful but ultimately fulfilling tale – : I am tired, I am stressed but hey I do these things for the people that I love. I love and am loved and nothing is too much  – although it sometimes seems that way.

 

And Monday I want to start gym again! Wish me luck!

Karen Dosw
http://www.articlesbase.com/non-fiction-articles/a-week-in-the-life-of-the-single-working-mother-588052.html

How to Cure Panic Attacks in a natural way

Panic and anxiety disorders actually occur more frequently then many people realize, and they can be extremely terrifying for the victim. The good news is that you can learn how to cure panic attacks naturally without using harmful medications.

Understanding Your Fear is the first step, and extremely important if you want to cure your panic attacks. Every one of us have certain triggers that cause our fears to grow out of control. Two of the most common triggers in sufferers are traumatic life experiences and long term stress. You’ll have to do a lot of self examination to learn what your particular fears are. By identifying your fears first, you will then be able to focus on your problems.

If you are constantly feeling anxious or have the jitters, then you may want to examine what you are drinking. Any kind of beverage that has caffeine could increase you anxiety levels and the result will increase your chances of coming down with a panic attack. By removing caffeine from your daily diet you will allow you body to handle stress better.

By changing your diet you can help reduce your chances of panic attacks. Believe it or not, certain foods will raise your chances of coming down with a panic attack. Some examples are: any kind of processed foods, caffeine, alcoholic beverages, sugar, and white flower. Set yourself up with a diet that will eliminate or reduce your intake of thee foods. Changing your diet is a good way to prevent any attack before it can happen.

If you are one of those people who suffer from these debilitating attacks, then you understand how devastating they can be. There are some people, when they experience these attacks, feel as if they cannot breathe and others even experience chest pains which can mimic a heart attack.Panic and anxiety disorders actually occur more frequently then many people realize, and they can be extremely terrifying for the victim. The good news is that you can learn how to cure panic attacks naturally without using harmful medications.

Understanding Your Fear is the first step, and extremely important if you want to cure your panic attacks. Every one of us have certain triggers that cause our fears to grow out of control. Two of the most common triggers in sufferers are traumatic life experiences and long term stress. You’ll have to do a lot of self examination to learn what your particular fears are. By identifying your fears first, you will then be able to focus on your problems.

If you are constantly feeling anxious or have the jitters, then you may want to examine what you are drinking. Any kind of beverage that has caffeine could increase you anxiety levels and the result will increase your chances of coming down with a panic attack. By removing caffeine from your daily diet you will allow you body to handle stress better.

By changing your diet you can help reduce your chances of panic attacks. Believe it or not, certain foods will raise your chances of coming down with a panic attack. Some examples are: any kind of processed foods, caffeine, alcoholic beverages, sugar, and white flower. Set yourself up with a diet that will eliminate or reduce your intake of thee foods. Changing your diet is a good way to prevent any attack before it can happen.

If you are one of those people who suffer from these debilitating attacks, then you understand how devastating they can be. There are some people, when they experience these attacks, feel as if they cannot breathe and others even experience chest pains which can mimic a heart attack.

By: dr rony (Free Treatment for Anxiety eBook)

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Panic Attacks – Is There A Connection Between Panic Attack And Depression?

Most people often wonder whether there is a connection between panic attacks and depression. Researchers and analysts feel that there is indeed a strong connection between both the conditions.

Here is a detailed description to make you understand better:

First, it has been proved via a research and strong analyze that chronic pain disorder can result into depression. The condition is most common in people who get exhausted easily from the chronic anxiety that accompanies panic attacks.

People who have developed a condition known as agoraphobia to a great extend are know to restrict themselves from socializing, driving or facing challenges of life. Agoraphobia is a condition where on tends to avoid certain activities due to a fear of panic attacks.

When panic attacks results into depression, patients usually complain this to their health care practitioners. They feel that the attack strike first and later comes the depression. They often feel that once they are relieved from panic attack or agoraphobia, they would be automatically relieved from depression.

Such patients would only be relieved when they are treated for panic disorders.

Some experts also feel that depression of an intense degree can give birth to panic attacks. There are people who get affected by depression and panic attacks at the same time. In case, the anxiety element of the depression is strong enough, then it is quite possible that the depression leads to panic attacks.

Under these circumstances, a patient is worried about the problems coming into his life. This leads to several stages of panic attacks. Here, the patient often experience feelings similar to death or going crazy without a specific reasons.

Another possibility is that some people suffer from panic disorder and depression that’s independent of each others. This means that these people may experience panic attacks sometimes when they are not depressed and they can experience a feeling of depression when they are not getting panic attacks.

Most people suffering from panic disorder can experience bouts of panic attacks due to several reasons such as a cold, hangover, depression, lack of sleep etc. This is because they are extremely sensitive to their bodies.

The best thing to do under these situations is to start a treatment that addresses to one’s specific problems. Fortunately, several treatment options are available these days to cure panic attacks and depression. You can purchase a lot of medications such as SSRIs and many more. You can also look forward to have psychotherapies such as cognitive behavioral therapy. This therapy is great for both panic attack and depression.

The treatment for panic attacks and depression is very effective and widely available. One can choose from a combination of medication, relaxation techniques cognitive behavior therapy and much more.

However, to benefit from effective treatment, one requires to keep tabs on the potential symptoms of panic attacks and depression. This is the only way to treat the condition on time. Once you start the treatment, you will find it really relaxing. You will feel good from within. This is the key to ward off the condition.

By: Bertil Hjert (Download Natural Treatment for Anxiety Now!)

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How Relaxation Techniques Play An Important Role In Treating Anxiety Disorders?

Anxiety attacks had always been common among working population, but with changing lifestyle and personal expectations of people anxiety is today a disorder found among every other person. With medicine being a prominent solution for every other disorder people often tend to spend large amount of bucks on their hospital bills, but not many know that it is always possible to treat such strokes of fear, tension or worries by following simple and safe relaxation techniques.

Relaxation with anxiety disorders plays a vital role, a role as important as any other medication, all because of the safe and beneficial principles of various relaxation techniques.

Before understanding how the equation of relaxation with anxiety disorders works, it is important to have an idea about the benefits and purpose of following various relaxation techniques. Relaxation is more or less a spiritual as well as non spiritual way to control the internal disturbance of a body and mind. Most of these relaxation techniques are designed to control the stressful and unstable mind as well as to heel the weary outlook of a body. Anxiety being a condition where a body is nervous and mind is under panic or excessive tensed situation, thus by simply controlling a disturbed mind with relaxation one can always treat those anxiety disorders or attacks.

Relaxation in itself is of various types, but each of these different relaxation techniques are based on one common purpose to benefit mind and body with peace, strength, stamina and calmness.

Relaxation with anxiety disorders is the best way to come over those panic strokes and attacks of angst. One such example of relaxation techniques heeling anxiety is, the fact that deep relaxation involves physiological changes in a person causing a decrease in respiration rate, heart rate, skeletal muscle tension, metabolic rate and analytic thinking.

Relaxation with anxiety disorders helps in overcoming its symptoms like nausea, headaches, irritation, shortness of breath, increased heartbeat, sweating and palpitation, suffocation, chest pain, dizziness, fear, tremors and nervousness.

Since anxiety is more of a mental and physiological disorder, therefore some of the most common relaxation techniques that are well designed to relieve a body of its anxiety disorders are meditation, yoga, ample sleep and good diet. When you experience attacks of anxiety with any of the symptoms mentioned the first thing to do is control your breathing, which can be done by either meditation or yoga. When you feel too much tension and inability to feel or think anything, it is always better to rest the over burdened brain.

Another quick relaxation technique is breathing exercise, when feeling stressed and anxious while working the best thing to do is take a break and then work on your breathing. Out of many big relaxation techniques, this breathing exercise is the easiest and works the best, as all you need to do is your eyes (you can lie down or can sit somewhere comfortably) and breathe slow and deep. By simply following this technique of relaxation with anxiety disorders for 15-20 minutes (or 10 minutes if you do not have that much time to spend), you tend to control your mind and calm it down. Breathing exercise is one those instant techniques that work with sudden attacks of anxiety, another thing to be done when feeling such sudden symptoms is to drink water, possible cold water.

No doubt, today there are dozens of good medicines and drugs available out in the market claiming to treat and some actually treating the hyper and anxiety disorders, but in many cases anxiety is all about the emotional state of the mind and thus can be best treated with relaxation techniques. Relaxation with anxiety disorders is not just capable of overcoming physical weakness, but also has the power to control or balance the emotions experienced by the body.

Some of the other relaxation techniques synchronizing relaxation with anxiety disorders for its treatment aroma therapy, aromatherapy, progressive muscle relaxation and visualization. Right diet and right amount of sleep are two important relaxation factors that act as both the precaution and the treatment. If you are sleeping for a comfortable 7 to 8 hours and eating the nutritious, balanced, healthy and fried less diet chances are you will not become a victim of any of the anxiety symptoms. Also, if you experience or have an anxiety disorder make sure that you eat food that is less oily, with more of vegetables and is not processed. Try not to have tea or coffee, as they are possible triggers of mood change and many other anxiety symptoms.

Relaxation techniques are simple methods to calm down an unbalanced mind and to refresh or rejuvenate an exhausted body, its no magic simple science. Thus, if you are someone being troubled with anxiety disorders three things you need to do is consult a doctor, take the medication (if prescribed) and follow relaxation techniques like yoga, meditation, sleep well and eat good.

By: Jason Archer (Get FREE Anxiety Treatment)

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Separation Anxiety – Not Uncommon

It is not uncommon for young people ages four and older to suffer form a form of anxiety known as separation anxiety. If you have a child that suffers from such a problem, then read on. There are some things that you can do to help.

Typically, young people feel a form of seperation anxiety when they spend more and more time away from the family environment — whatever type that may be — in which they were raised. Being away from a primary attachment figure can cause people at least four years or older to feel some form of separation anxiety. A primary attachment figure may include a parent or parents, a caregiver, or other such figures. Feeling a sense of separation anxiety is fairly normal — except in very extreme cases that deter the person with the anxiety from living a normal life. For example, not being able to attend grade school as a child because of fear of being away from home is a severe type of seperation anxiety. On the other hand, though, being afraid of the dark as a child is not very severe and does not get in the way of living day-to-day life.

Seperation anxiety is a recurrent type of anxiety. It typically occurs over a time frame of about four weeks, at the least. A young person suffering from seperation anxiety often feels an enormous amount of worry, fear, or severe distress that causes them to become impaired from leading a normal life. This distress may take on one or more of the various forms: headache, stomachache, rapid heartbeat, difficulty breathing, and sweatiness.

Through research that has been conducted, doctors have been able to deduce that children that have a great amount of anxiety and are extremely fearful early in their lives often develop harder-to-treat anxiety disorders. For example, when a young child attends school for the first time, he or she may develop an anxiety from being seperated from a primary caregiver. If the anxiety does not go away within the first few weeks of the child attending school, and gets much worse as time passes, a severe anxiety problem is evident. This problem can effect the child doing well in school, making friends, and adjusting to life in general. A child with severe separation anxiety often has a very hard time controlling his or her emotions.

Children with separation anxiety often have a variety of symptoms. They may have a persistant worry about the well-being and safety of their loved ones. They may also show a large amount of sadness or dismay when separated from their primary caregiver. They may fall asleep easily if they are not around their primary caregiver. They may experience frightening nightmares in which they are separaed from the ones that they love. They may feel homesick, experience headaches, nausea, stomachaches, lightheadedness, dizziness, cramps, irregular heartbeats, muscle aches, and even vomiting.

Separation anxiety can be treated in a variety of ways. If the separation anxiety is not very severe, it can be treated with a little bit of therapy from a certified mental health professional. However, if the separation anxiety is very severe, the child may need to seek therapy as well as anti-anxiety medications. These medications can come in the form of SSRI’s (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors) or MAOI’s (monoamine oxidase inhibitors). SSRI’s are a newer type of antidepressants that have very few side effects, while MAOI’s are older and have more side effects. What type of medication a child needs depends upon their individual case and body chemistry. Only a doctor in the field can determine what is best to take.

By: Matthew Hick (Anxiety Treatment eBook – FREE)

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Panic Attacks Cure – 3 Vital Tips to Help You Look for a Panic Attacks Cure!

If you suffer from panic attacks and you are searching for help and cures online then it goes without saying that it is finally time to change your life for the better! Many sufferers don’t actually believe they have a condition until it is too late. Anxiety and panic attacks can very quickly spiral completely out of control before you even think about getting treatment. So the fact you are looking for a cure is a great start to actually finding one, and finally alleviating your fear and worry about the next panic attack. Thankfully there are panic attacks cures available and here are some tips to finding the perfect panic attacks cure for you.

Tip 1: Not all sufferers of panic attacks suffer from them in the same way. There are many symptoms and many causes that bring on an attack meaning treating them can be different for different people. But panic attacks can be cured if you can determine why you are having them in the first place. Many people already know the source of there attacks but others don’t, which is where a qualified therapist may help. Therapists cost money though, which is always an underlying factor and when looking for a cure, knowing what the source is can give you the freedom to look at self help cures which are available on and offline.

So try and work out the source and trigger of your attacks if you are unsure why you are having them in the first place. This will save you a lot of money and work if you can do this.

Tip 2: Panic attack cures come in different formats and different techniques work differently from person to person. So try to make the right decision by yourself. Decide on how you would like to achieve your goal of defeating your panic. Some people like to use self help techniques which are readily available and have success from these. Others prefer the professional route and seek a therapist or counselor to help. But there is not one right way, many ways work, its just a case of which way will fit you!

Tip 3: Work on avoiding attacks as often as you can while you are searching for a cure. A healthy lifestyle is a must for all anxiety and panic attack sufferers which also includes a healthy diet. Relaxation is also a must when trying to alleviate the stresses and tensions of another panic attack. This will enable you to start controlling your condition rather than your condition controlling you. This is the first big step all anxiety and panic attack sufferers have to take to realise there ultimate goal which is to banish the attacks once and for all.

Start with these simple steps and you will be heading in the right direction to find the right panic attacks cure for you and your needs!

By: Ethan Grays (Free Download Anxiety Treatment eBook)

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Treating Panic Attacks With A Simple Concept

Anyone who suffers panic attacks know just how devastatingly awful they can be. You imagine just about every worst case scenario possible, from having a heart attack, not being able to breath or just plain losing control. After the first initial panic attack, the resulting attacks after is what scares us the most.

The problem with most ways for treating panic attacks is that they only really mask the problem, but don’t solve them. Medication is a crutch, it helps, but remove that crutch and the panic returns. Coping techniques get you through an attack, they help calm you down, but all they do is make a panic attack less severe. The key to living a panic free life is to understand one thing:

You need to stop being afraid of panic attacks.

Sounds simple doesn’t it? This concept for treating panic attacks is very simple, but applying it can be difficult. I challenge you to try giving yourself a panic attack right now and I’ll bet that you can’t. The reason being is because you want one to happen, which means you have no fear of it at this moment. If panic has nothing to feed off of, like your fear, then it cannot get out of control.

You can think of this concept as a loop. Initial panic leads to fear of more panic, which fuels the fire for another panic attack and we’re back at the start again. Cut the fuel of that fire, and panic has nothing to feed off of.

There are literally thousands of different methods for treating panic attacks, but it’s this one simple idea that really helped me to overcome my panic altogether.

Stop wasting your time with outdated coping techniques or side-effect ridden prescriptions and start living a life that’s panic free.

By: Charity-lyn Gellar (Free Treatment for Anxiety eBook)

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How to Stop Anxiety – a Few Simple Tips

Anxiety isn’t a fun thing to live with. Thoughts race through your mind in a constant motion. Small things that start small turn out blowing up into a huge commotion. You can’t think straight and it wears you out to even do simple daily tasks. That’s when you know that anxiety has the best of you. I should know, because I’ve been living with anxiety for the past few years.

Although I’ve had anxiety, I don’t worry about much anymore. No more having my day ruined, because I’m distraught with worry and fear. I’ve learned many techniques over the years to help cope with anxiety. In fact, some of the techniques I’ve learned have made such a dramatic difference in my life that I basically have eliminated the anxiety. I now live a free and clear lifestyle, and man, does it feel great!

If you want to feel the same way, here are a few simple tips you can take that will get you started in the right direction:

- When feeling anxious, start learning how to take in big, deep breaths. When the anxiousness approaches, stop what you’re doing and take 15-30 deep belly breaths. Close your eyes and relax, breathing in deep and slowly. This will help calm your body and get you through this anxious period.

- Redirect your mind by thinking of other things. If doing an activity that makes you anxious, switch to another activity that requires your attention. While it may sound goofy, this really does work well in taking your mind off of your anxious thoughts.

- Keep your mind in the present. Don’t think ahead too much into the future. This automatically starts your anxious thinking, which can turn into a full-blown panic attack.

Now that you know a couple things to do to help your anxiety, just don’t let your it get the best of you! Start living your life the way you should live it: free and clear without worry. Visit How to Stop Anxiety to learn what you can do to get rid of anxiety forever!

By: Bryan Hufford (Anxiety Treatment eBook – FREE)

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Break Free of Anxiety and Obsessive Thoughts

Have you ever felt like your mind was spinning on a hamster wheel? You know; you get caught in an endless loop, running over the same old fears again and again, feeling unable to just stop the ride and get off?

I think we have all felt this way at one time or another, and if you have a history of anxiety or panic issues, you have surely done a few laps on the old hamster wheel. I know I have!

This obsessive re-examining of a fearful or worrying situation is what I call a “cognitive loop.” It is uncomfortable at best, and at its worse, can have a negative affect on every area of your life, including your actual physical health.

That’s right. Research shows that over time, mental distress of this type can actually cause physical distress, quickening the pulse rate, raising blood pressure, and even weakening the immune system. All the more reason to learn how to “jump off the hamster wheel.” So let’s define what this “loop” actually is, and how you can put an end to this vicious cycle.

I think of a cognitive loop like a computer “hang up.” Remember the last time your computer froze on you? It became unresponsive and all forward progress came to a screeching halt, right? Probably your only alternative was to “reboot” and start over, because as everyone knows, once that endless loop starts running, you’re not going to get anything done until you do!

And that is exactly how you handle a loop in your thinking!

Once the loop of fear or worry begins, all progress stops. Your mind has basically “hung up,” and you’re not getting anything productive done until you call a time out and “re-boot” your system. And just how do you re-boot your mind?

Physical Change = Emotional Change

Our physical state and our mental state are very closely linked. For example, I notice that I always feel calm and centered when I exercise regularly and drink plenty of water. So to change a faulty (but temporary) mental state, like the cognitive loop, I recommend immediately changing your physical state.

The easiest way to do this is to just notice what you are doing with your body, and then do the opposite of that. If you’re sitting-stand up, or even go for a short walk. If you’re slouching, straighten your posture-chin up, chest out, back straight.

Notice your breathing. Are you taking short, shallow breaths? Take a few slow, deep breaths, breathing out slightly longer than you breath in. Do a few slow and deliberate stretches with your arms and legs to increase circulation.

Anything you can do to change your physical state will immediately begin to affect your mental state. And the more extreme the change in your physical state, the more extreme the change in your mental state will be. That’s one reason that exercise is so good for your mental health-especially as a preventive measure.

Walking or bike-riding are both good for the nerves, but any physical movement that changes your physical state will have a positive effect. One easy way to remember this:

“When you change what your body is doing, you change what your mind is doing.”

By: Jon Mercer (Download Free Anxiety Treatment)

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